First of all Happy New Year 2067 to my lovely, smart and highly concerned girlfriend who I suppose to be my life friend if the future hold. And also congratulation for the successful completion of our 5 month relationship which seems like just a single eye blink. I wish it would prolong forever and flourish with ever spreading solidarity and happiness as well as prosperity as it existed in our past 5 month. I am very lucky and I feel very privilege to have you in my life. My heartfelt gratitude for supporting me and supporting our ever long lasting relationship which stands on trust and mutual understanding.
There are seven days in a week. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday is a office day. My presence in the office is must where my attendance is mandatory because it assures the completion of the research project before deadline. Not only that, I also makes sure my grades for Internship evaluation are fine. Remaining Wednesday, Thursday and Friday are my college days where I have to attend the class, document the lectures, complete the assignments. Remaining Saturday is the only day which I used to enjoy as a free day but then that also nowadays is being used in helping my colleagues of different colleges. There I have to share my journalistic skills with my junior colleagues studying in different colleges of Kathmandu. That is the platform where I can m share my knowledge with others who shares a common ambition and future expertise. At a surficial look it seems like I am busy whole week. But I should not miss here to state that I have a beautiful, highly concerned, smart and intelligent girlfriend with whom my relationship is completing the fifth month today April 13.
Let me shade light on November 13, 2011. That was the turning point of life when I proposed her. That day was like any ordinary day but the level of commitment to chose a girl in my life was something which was not ordinary because that was for the remaining life left to live for my small world.
Todays something absurd, horrible and uncomfortable stuffs are hunting my mind. Some kind of fear is emerging in me. Some sort of thoughts like loosing her without any reason, allusions like the gap of our date is month long though in real it is not more than 4 days. Every time I meet her, it’s a different reception, a different smile, different level of pitch in her voice, a different sense of smell in her hair. I know she is the same with whom I have spent one of the most memorable an satisfied space and five month long time. Now I am afraid about the un-existing consequences of the past like what if I hadn’t proposed her. What if someone had proposed her before me? What if I had proposed someone other else? What if……offfffffffs.. this nonsense series of what if…is going to kill me if I I didn’t stop here. Actually I was afraid that one guy named……… was going to approach her in the way I did before him. Its very uncomfortable to imagine the situation where I am out and that guy was in. I mean I feel very insecure to hypothesize her as somebody’s girlfriend when the reality is that she my girlfriend. She is the one whom I have that level of proximity which I don’t share with anyone. Its been 3-4 days since I haven’t met her and my mind is about to rupture. I feel like my mind is taking the shape of completely filled water dam which is about the burst. At this right moment I am missing my girlfriend very much so I am writtin these stuffs just to console myself that everything is fine. But the crucial question remained why I miss her so much? I mean I have already spent my more than 20 years without her. so how the entrance of a girl in your life can make such a big change such that her absence for a while also make you realize a big lacking in the moment you are living. blog
Well, I don’t know the exact reason. What I can do is just throw some guesses on the basis of my past life and feelings and my perception of this world and about the people around me. Personally my life has always been lonely. I never opted big friend circle. You know those guys gangs, walking together occuping the total width of the road, ragging other, ear-bursting laugh, high ego, obligations towards one another, show offs etc. I was never part of such over social group. I had rarely one or two friends whom I used to share some of my problems and most of the time my never ending but lasting stack of layers of frustrations. My frustrations due to being far from my parents interms of geographical proximity. My frustrations due to not being able to eat the food cooked by my mother’s hand. My frustration due to not being able to have what other used to have like technological electronic gadgets, excellent grades, attending parties, big muscular and tightly swollen arms + chest, 220 cc Pulsar bikes etc. But that was only momentarily or short term needs which gets erased from my mind with a single call from my dad or mom or lovely family stay with my sister. That means whenever I used to be with in the boundary of my family then the level of frustrations used to go down but that boundary seemed to disappear slowly, my frustrations or the feeling of emptiness used to rise.
My girlfriend is a part of my life and my family as well. That may be the reason my level of frustrations has sharply gone down. Rather my urgency towards work and dedication towards my job has increased. I am and I must be very happy that five month long relations with her has some how compensated that irreparable loss in my past life. She deserves a bit more than a thanks from me. A flying kisss….to my smart girlfriend. hehe
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